Friday was a horrible, horrendous, terrible....(okay, that was a line in a book, and I can't remember the rest), but it was a bad day. I am so thankful for every single one of my kiddos. Period. No buts. No exceptions. Yet, I must say that when you are introduced to special needs as a mama that didn't have 9 months to prepare for things, research things (especially for a homeschoolin' - love to prepare mama) and you are dealing with a language switch, things can get just plain ole hard. My boys are a thrill - I LOVE them, but I feel completely insufficient to provide all the care that they need sometimes. My one biggest prayer has been - "Lord, may I give You glory in ALL I do." Friday, I felt like I was bringing Him glory in nuthin'. Absolutely nuthin'.
I have a friend, Laura (you may remember her from a previous post), who is battling metastatic breast cancer. She is fighting for her life, big time. Every step of the way, she has brought Him glory. She has thousands who read her posts, and she always points them to the Savior. People have come to Him through her. Now, my little ole life is NOTHING compared to her's, and I don't want to even pretend that I am comparing them. However, I couldn't help thinking, "Lord?? I SEE how Laura is bringing You glory. I don't understand her suffering or pain, but I see how she is bringing You glory. In my little ole corner of the universe, HOW is what I am doing possibly bringing You glory? In all the little chores day in and day out, over and over and over again...HOW is it bringing You glory?" I had to call Mike to pray for me. I had to email a friend to pray for me. There was no big shining moment of relief, but we made it through the day and even had some laughs and smiles. :-)
I say all this to say...as I lay in bed that night I thought and prayed again, "Lord, I am still not sure I get it, but I love You and I love my family. That's it. That's all I have." And as I lay there in silence, He reminded me of a poem by Amy Carmichael that I used to have posted on my microwave...
"Jesus, Savior, doest thou see,
When I am doing work for Thee?
Common things, not great or grand,
Like carrying wood or stones or sand?
I did common work, you know,
Many, many years ago,
And I don't forget, I see,
Everything you do for Me."
- Amy Carmichael
So, moms of one, moms of many, moms of healthy kids, moms of not-so-healthy kids, anyone serving silently...the world may not see, but He sees, and somehow...though we may not understand...it brings Him glory, if it is done for Him.
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((HUGS)) to you. I am right there with you. Parenting a special needs child is proving to be the one of the most challenging, yet most rewarding, things I've ever done. I often tell God that I "can't" do it, that I'm not "strong" enough, but then he reminds me that His strength is sufficient for me and that in my weakness, His strength is perfected. Praying for you as you live out the life He is called you to live, with the family He has blessed you with. Lots of love sent your way!
ReplyDeleteAMEN, Nikki!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThat laundry, those dishes, the training that seems to never bear fruit, the long days and whining children, the dust bunnies, the potty accidents, the appointments...the ordinary daily things that seem so insignificant...oh how they can wear us down! But you have the right perspective, Nikki! We must work as if we're working for the Lord...do it all for Him! And as we serve our family, we are serving Him!
I love you! Again I say...do you want me to bring you a via? :)
Love you, Nikki! Sending hugs over the miles! So thankful for you witness and know you are showing the way to Him and glorifying Him in ways you never dreamed of!
ReplyDeleteMuch love!
Nikki, beautifully stated!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right! And I love that poem!
ReplyDeleteNo, we usually don't understand, and it's hard to see the big picture. But the Lord sees the big picture, and we have to keep serving Him in faith.
Yes, I feel so downtrodden sooo many days. But then there is a day, like yesterday, when out of the blue; AJ walks up and shows me "left" and "right". After 6months!!!, he CAN learn!!!! And, ag, again, I realize, there is progress in my "mission field". And thank the Lord for it=)
ReplyDeleteHang in there momma! It's a new day! Thank you for your words of wisdom in response to my post. I appreciate it! And now I'm feeling like I need to learn all about the Thai culture for his benefit...just as I was beginning to understand China! Ahhhhh!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome. The fact that you seek your strength from the King of the Universe is overwhelming evidence of the incredible work you are doing for the Kingdom (in addition to the love you are pouring into those sweet little people in your house)! Rest in Him, enjoy the journey He has set before you, use your "flashlight" (like Mark says :), and involve us in whatever way we can assist!
ReplyDelete