Because I am so, so technologically impaired.

Oh goodness, people.  So, I tried to privatize my blog for about 800 reasons.  Then, I got emails requesting permission.  Spent 30 minutes trying to re-locate how to give permissions.  Couldn't figure out how to send the permissions.  Finally, figured it out.  A week goes by.  Got a few more requests.  Just spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to add permissions again.
I am about ready to throw my computer through the wall.  So, we just went public again.
Have patience with me.
Should have been getting ready for church anyway. :-)

Our Blank Check....Part 2

So, this story could end up being a 400 page novel, which is ridiculous, and when I began thinking over why I blog (as I read through Dietrich Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship), I realized that I have nothing extraordinary to post.  Really, we are such an ordinary family...we just happen to love the Lord a lot and I really wanted this blog to just be a small journal of our lives.  But when things are posted on the internet for the world to read...well, I just realized that I might have to evaluate what all is written on this little page of ours.  I follow some pretty amazing families and women, truly gifted in writing...I read them for inspiration and encouragement, and I think that the Lord uses them in mighty ways.  But, here?  I am just one woman struggling to fully surrender every. single. area. of my life to HIM.  I am going to write our little "Part 2", but all the parts of our "Blank Check" after that...well, we haven't even shared with most of our family, and it is a work that is still in progress.  All that to say, we are not in any way trying to be exclusive, but I am thinking that I need to privatize our blog again.  It isn't any more difficult to access, just email me (symasekfab5@aol.com) and let me know if you would like to still read.  UGH.  I have done this in the past, but I am thinking that I am sticking with it this time. :-)

Anywhooo...as Mike and I talked about missions and our lives, we realized that as much as we wanted to help in Ch*na as a family, logistically and financially, it wasn't wise.  We talked, prayed, and Mike finally came to me and said, "Nik, I just don't think that we can ALL go to Ch*na this year to serve.  It just isn't smart."  I knew he was right, but I was mad, sad, and digging my heels in the sand. (Doing good so far with this blank check.)

We began praying about just Mike and the big boys going somewhere to serve with our church.  Drew turned 13 this year - yikes!  And we wanted him to begin this "teen time" with an event that would point him to a whole-hearted service of the Almighty.  We had been taught about "tithing" the teenage years to the Lord (the first actual years they have of willingly running wholehearted after the Lord...with no hindrances - job, family, etc.).  Through many "small" miracles and guiding events, the Lord guided us to a trip for this fall in which they will be traveling to the Middle East.  The Middle East.  

Inwardly, I get butterflies and I can feel the blood rush to my feet when I think about them traveling over there without me...how stupid is that?  Like I could do anything if I were traveling with them.  HA. HA.  It makes me laugh.  But, I can honestly say that this year...this time of saying, "Abba Father, I give it to you.  With my trembling hand OPEN.  Use us to serve you."...this time has been good.  Sometimes I feel like I am riding a ride that is wilder than The Hulk (that ride was a nightmare, by the way...yes, it is that CRAZY ride at Universal that I think was shut down because a poor woman DIED on it).  Only I know that He has us right where He wants us for now.  He is growing me and teaching me that tomorrow?  That isn't mine.  Today?  Well, it isn't mine either.  Every minute is His, and I need to surrender them willingly to Him, and as I do it with my HEART joyful, I experience spiritual blessing beyond anything I could have ever asked or imagined.

Field Day!

So, when your kids have been homeschooled since Day 1, the concept of school from August to May isn't there.  We often school year-round.  We have been hitting the books hard this month, as well as our 804 activities.  When I looked at the calendar and saw a "blank day" for today...oh, it made me smile.  At breakfast, I told the kids, "We are playing today.  You each pick a game, and we are doing it."  

 Drew picked Sharks and Minnows with a few of his rules attached.

 Obviously, CJ was tagged first.  He didn't like that and didn't follow the rules.

 So, Drew lovingly explained that he needed to stay still once tagged and try to tag other people from his spot.

 He listened well, obviously.

 After more explanation, he stayed still for a round, and then walked off and said, "I'm done."  He cracks me up.  He is totally that kid at P.E., "Oh, I left my gym clothes at home, I can't participate today.  I'll take the F."

 Balloon races were awesome.

 Maggie cracked up the entire time.

 When it came time to pop our balloons, someone didn't weigh enough.  Wouldn't it be nice.

CJ had to be given a slight head start.

We ended the day with a talent show.

Wow.

Oh, and mommy did play a few rounds of Sharks and Minnows until I knocked over one of my children trying to not be tagged.  Hey, who wants to be "it", anyway?  Not me, that's for sure - those kids are fast.

Our Blank Check. Part One

Our pastor often uses the term "Blank Check"...giving your blank check to God.  In January of this year, we decided to pray and seek the Lord and hand over the Blank Check.
Now, I am sure that many of your are thinking, "Seriously?  He's God.  He already has a blank check with your life, my life, everyone's lives."

True.

So true.

Really, He is God, and if it was in His nature, He really could force us all to love Him, right?  But who wants that, really?  Who wants to be forced down the aisle?  Or better yet, who wants to think that their spouse was forced down the aisle?  We don't want to force our kids to love us, we just want them to love us.  Full out.  To obey us - full on.  Because they want to.  Because they trust us.

It is so special to me when my kids run to me and say, "Mom, come check out my room!!  I cleaned it, just because I thought it would make you smile.  And, is there anything else that I can do for you?  Anything that would make you smile?"  Hm...now, I am not so sure that has ever happened to me word for word.  But, isn't that so much sweeter than having to force your kids to do what they need to do?

So, we prayed.  I prayed.  We handed God our blank check.  Only here was my problem...

I might have had something written in the "Memo" line...

Just maybe....

I mean, wouldn't God want us to go back to Ch*na to serve?  Couldn't we help another Ch*nese baby/child with needs?  Couldn't New D@y use a family to come and help them?  God wouldn't mind if I put that on the memo line, would He?

Ha.

God got out His "God-sized" eraser and went to town, with a big smile on His face and complete love for me and our family, I am sure.

More coming...and when I remember to bring my camera with me (ugh), I will be posting more photos.

When a Fixer can't fix...

I love to run.  I haven't gotten to do much of it since we got home last year, but every time I do get a chance, I have a little cheerleader.  We live in a cul-de-sac, and each time I would lap, little Landon would be looking out the glass front door, waving.  Last September, after a run, I came in and Landon said, "Mom, I get my leg fixed and I run with you."  It melted my heart.  I said, "Absolutely, buddy.  For SURE."  Being the fixer that I am, I was going to make sure that we got this FIXED so that he could do what he wanted to do - run.

Fast forward to our pre-op ortho visit, and I mentioned running to the doctor.  He says, "Um, I can turn the leg and fix the bones in the foot, but that doesn't mean that he will ever run."  This just ticked me off.  So, we got in the car to head home, and I immediately wrote off what that doctor said.  Yep, Landon was going to run with me.  For sure.

Fast forward to post surgery, post cast and recovery, and we aren't running yet, but I still wasn't upset.  We will get there.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago.  SB Clinic.  A little earth shattering for me.  Daddy couldn't make that clinic day, so I was trying to process lots of information by myself.  Both boys saw neuro, ortho, urology, and rehab medicine.  Long day.  Typical for CJ...things look good.  Next, Landon.  Wow.  I just wasn't prepared..."Do you realize that one leg is shorter than the other?  We need to get him a shoe lift." "Do you have him in PT yet?"  "Why are you doing 'such and such'"  "Why aren't you doing 'such and such'" "Don't say things like that to him...that is setting himself up for failure".  I left and cried all the way home and all night long.  A precious friend who also has kids with SB said, "Look, you are just grieving over things that you thought would be one way, and they aren't going to be like that.  You aren't doing a bad job - you are learning.  You are encouraging your child, not trying to beat them down."  I realized that she was right, but I also realized that for months and months, I just thought, "We are going to get all of this fixed, and he will be able to do anything he wants to do. Period."  Reality hit me hard.  

I had just thought that the Lord would fix everything, I guess.  Stupid, I know.  Not good theology, I know.  I really thought that I/we had failed somehow...not that, perhaps, Landon was born with God-given physical limitations that might, perhaps, be used for His glory.

Then, the Lord used a neighbor to open my eyes to something that had been in front of me since April of last year.  She was watching the kids play and she said, "Nikki, I don't think you realize how good Landon is doing.  You see him every day, but look at him!"  

I thought, "For Pete's sake, woman, I see him every moment of every day", but I turned around to see Landon peddling with both feet on his tricycle (something we had worked on for a LONG time after surgery, and he GOT it, but I didn't GET that he GOT it!).  I looked at him and realized..."Wow.  He really has come a LONG way.  And not because of anything that I/we have done, but because of God's grace."

 Landon and his foster mom when we had to leave because we didn't have legal custody yet...we would get to take him the next day.

 Landon today.  Peddling with BOTH feet.

...and jumping on a trampoline.  For real.

What a lesson for me.  I may be a "fixer" by nature, but ultimately, I am not a fixer at all.  There is only one Fixer, and if He chooses to allow Landon to live with certain limitations, how dare I question those.  I will fight for my child to do all that he can do and to get the best medical care possible.  But when the Fixer says, "No, it is going to stay that way.  Watch Me bring Myself glory through this", how dare I question Him.  Lord, give me grace to work to change the things You would have me to change, and give me wisdom on when to accept things as they are.  For Your Glory.

Really pitiful blogger.

Hello...

Hello...

Hello...

Is there anybody out there?  No, I wasn't a fan of Pink Floyd, but somehow my husband can find a song for ANYTHING.  I guess that is a good thing.

I haven't blogged since November/December of last year?  Pitiful.

I've missed birthdays, first and only snows, pretend play on beautiful spring-like/winter days, trips to visit family and friends...you name it, I haven't blogged about it.

We got home from Ch*na in April of last year, and it was a whirlwind of MRIs, X-rays, ultrasounds, urodynamics, surgeries, recoveries, post-op visits.  Oh my.

So, after Christmas, we just settled back into life, and it was nice.  Mike said, "Honey, you should blog again.  I like looking back at old photos and things that happened."  And I just didn't get around to it.

Then, one evening at the dinner table, we were telling the kids stories of old friends, etc., and I thought about a friend that I hadn't seen or talked to in years, and I found her blog.  Precious.  I love being able to find friends that held a special place in my heart.

So, I may or may not be better about posting...we shall see, but I promise to try harder. :-)

 Landon's 4th birthday

 My child who loves cold weather...we live a bit too far south for her taste

 Pretending to be the horse "driver" and carriage rider

 My boys who are growing to be men before my very eyes.

 Uncanny.  My sister-in-law and dear friend, and my 3rd born...

 Our family and an old friend who we hadn't seen in years.

 The oldest 4 visiting my grandmother...retired missionary and my inspiration to be more servant-like, gentle and quiet

 Legoland...hm...we are working with Abby about exposing those cute little legs of hers.  Gracious.

 At my cousin's wedding...the end of the week and we were BEAT after a trip across the state of Florida.

 2 peas in a pod.  Fight like there's no tomorrow, but wouldn't know what to do without each other.

Our Inner-Mongolian HAM.  Always keeps us laughing.