And we have a new cast in time for Christmas!

Landon had his re-casting on Tuesday, and we opted for camo this time! :-)  The surgeon said that his foot looks great!!  We are so excited to see what it looks like!  He also said that he looks like he is healing well, but we won't know anything for sure until our next appointment when they do an x-ray.  Oh, and the lips are red due to the orange popsicle that he had just consumed.

Just little ole me's thoughts on the American Idol...

Okay, so all around me recently situations have been screaming...what is wrong here??

I have been on my face before the Lord in prayer because I am really, really sad for the Body of Christ. Many situations have been creeping up revealing that perhaps within the Church we don't trust the Lord like we say we do...like we Tweet that we do, like we post that we do, like we Facebook that we do, like we sing in our comfortable Sunday morning worship time that we do.

Within my circle of friends (and I have a pretty diverse little group :-), there have been some pretty valid circumstances arise which might cause fear.  I'm not going to prance around it, the election certainly began part of it, and do NOT get me wrong, there are many policies and laws which concern me.  I am watching people that I deeply care for be hit financially due to some of these policies...I am watching and hearing of businesses closing, of freedoms being encroached upon.  However, where does our security lie?  I am really concerned that within the American Church our idol has become our "security"...our financial security, physical security, emotional security, medical security, security in our freedoms, IRA, 401k, college savings plans...you name it - in America, there is no doubt we love our security.  But, are we trusting in it more than we are trusting in Him?

If we follow Him, here is what I can find in Scripture that we are told and promised:
persecution
that we will be hated ("if they hate Me, they will hate you")
hardship
no "place to lay our head"
our home is not here
taking up our cross (a method of torture not savings)
Paul had...jail, beatings, no home, traveled to preach the gospel, was shipwrecked

And yet...we have the Holy Spirit, so we are told not to fear, to be joyful in ALL circumstances, to love our enemies, to BOLDLY proclaim the gospel...and we are told NOT to look like the world.

How different do we look?  Or do we look just the same because we are too scared to do all that He has called us to do?  I recently read an amazing book by John Piper in which he says that the Western Church is full of wimpy Christians - please, Lord, don't let me be a wimpy Christian.  Oh, how I pray that He would strengthen us and equip us and strip us of our idol of security so that we can truly live for the only thing that counts - eternity.

Does anyone recognize this...? :-)

 Daddy is a great artist...this made Landon smile BIG TIME.  It is a little cartoon character that CJ and Landon both loved.  It was the character in the first book that Daddy read to CJ when he was trying to get CJ to calm down at New Day.  It holds a special place in all of our hearts...even if the smile on the sheep/goat does look a little scary.  Landon's cast is now complete.

I have no idea...

I think that he has decided that he is Spanish.  He is now saying "Hola!" all the time, and I have no idea where he heard it. :-)  As a proud mama, I would like to think that it is just because he is a genius.

Communication is the name of the game

Landon had orthopedic surgery on his leg yesterday.  The surgeon was able to break his tibia, fibula, and rotate the leg.  Then, he "tweeked" (his term, not mine :-) the bones in his foot.  When the surgeon came out, he said, "Now, I don't know how much pain he will be in because I don't know how much sensation he has.  So, I just gave orders for Tylenol."  "Hm,"we thought, that seems like it isn't going to touch the pain of a surgery this big.  But, our mistake, we didn't say anything...just trusted the expertise of the doctor.

Sure enough, by about 9:30p.m., Mike calls me (I was at home with the other kiddos).  Landon was screaming in the background...Mike says, "Pray.  He is in a horrible amount of pain."  It took lots of doing, but he finally was given Lortab and Morphine.  (the photos are after Lortab :-)  The surgeon also said that from what he can tell, Ch*na attempted the same surgery on his foot.  Bless this little guys' heart - he has been through so many surgeries and so much pain.  

So, for now, our prayer is that he will heal well, strong, and correctly.  He will have another re-casting done under general anesthesia in a couple of weeks.  Bless his heart...all I can do is pray that he knows that we are just trying to do what is best for him - especially since he has only been home for 7 months.

CJ does so well in hospitals...especially when he isn't the patient.

I think that perhaps...

...now I have heard it all.  On Sunday, I took just Emily and CJ to the grocery store.  When I went to the deli to get our lunchmeat, I was talking to the lady behind the counter about my great dinner idea :-) I told her, "You know, it is a great, inexpensive way to feed 7 kids."

She says, "You got seven kids?  Ain't you got the sense to know when to kuh-wit?" (in case you need translation...I believe that she meant "quit")

I stood there.  Dumb-founded...honestly, trying to figure out what she meant.  I figured it out.  Then,  every bit of my flesh wanted to say, "Sense???  are you seriously going to try to talk to me about sense??  I believe that 80% of the educated population would not have understood what you just asked me."  However, I refrained.

I prayed.  

Then, I spoke.  

I am learning.

I proceeded to tell her about our adoptions and taking our 4 biological kiddos with us to China, and what a wonderful, God-given gift it has been.  And you know what?  That little lady behind the deli counter opened up and poured out her life to me in about 2 minutes, and by the time we left the deli counter...she said, "Well, you sure are blessed."  And, she is right.

I will take blessings over "sense" any day.

Daniel Cason Saturday

Every year around Thanksgiving, the kids get the opportunity through a discipleship group that they are involved in to go and volunteer at the Daniel Cason Ministry...an amazing ministry that feeds thousands of homeless and less-fortunate people in the inner-city at Thanksgiving.  This year, Maggie was old enough to join Daddy and the 3 big kids...she was thrilled.  They had the privilege of joining Daniel's choir as it practiced their Christmas songs...they had a GREAT time!

A typical conversation during my day...

*A disclaimer...My older children are fabulous about helping...so, please don't think that I am raising lazy kiddos...

Me - "Maggie, do you think you could help me empty the dishwasher?" (Now, I KNOW better than to ask...I am supposed to delegate)
Maggie - "Hm...no, ma'm."
Me - "Please, Maggie."
Maggie - "Oh.  Please, No Ma'm."

She ended up emptying the dishwasher.

Back in the saddle again

Recently, I told a few good friends of mine, "I feel like I closed my eyes on the morning of August 27 when they wheeled CJ into the operating room, and I opened my eyes, and it was the middle of October."  After the boys' surgeries, recovery, and then dealing with Landon's "mystery illness" that lasted for basically 5 weeks, we have begun to find our new "normal" again.  Focusing on schoolwork, cleaning, enjoying the unbelievably beautiful fall days...it has really, really been nice.  It has been great to not see the inside of Children's ER (even though the staff there is amazing).  It has been wonderful to go through a whole WEEK and not have Landon spike a fever of 103, have headaches, vomit, and/or get disoriented.

We were blessed to be able to be released from the hospital on October 10th (a happy 37th birthday to me :-)...I couldn't have asked for anything more than to have gotten to bring Landon home after 5 days of intensity in the hospital of teams of specialists not being able to discover what was ailing his little body.  We still don't have any "diagnosis", but we are just so thankful that he is returning to his normal, sweet self.  During our stay in the hospital, I was reminded to be thankful for each and everyday that we have...each healthy day that my kids are at home, playing, learning, and even fighting.  So, so many kids that we saw up on our 10th floor "home" were not going to be going home anytime soon.  I could see and sympathize with the weariness on the parents' faces.  I wondered if they felt as torn as I felt between kids at home and the one in the hospital...I wondered if they missed getting to spend time with their spouse like I did - other than the 15 minute "shift change".  All that to say, it left me/us with a new appreciation and sympathy for parents of children with serious conditions.  It left us with an all new gratitude to the Lord for times of struggle and testing because we truly learned that the "testing of our faith produces endurance..." and we desperately want "endurance to have its perfect result, that we would be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  Those days were so, so painfully hard, but so, so desperately rich in His love, mercy, goodness, and faithfulness.  He never places us in a fire that He doesn't walk through with us, and (as a dear, amazing sister in Christ says) "that is a good place to be."

 Notice...my HUGE ice-coffe sitting in front of Maggie.  I am not ashamed to say...

"Thank the Lord for Iced Vias."

This little guy heads back into Children's on November 27th for orthopedic surgery on his leg.  Please keep him in your prayers. :-)

When I am so selfish that the Lord has to smack me...

Many of you know that we have been dealing with a LOT with little Landon, medically.  Since his de-tethering surgery on the 28th of August we have been dealing with high fever spikes, off and on headaches, and vomiting.  His case has been so complicated that to make a long story very short...here we are, day 4 of being at the Children's Hospital..of painful tests, being separated as a family, and being brought straight to our knees.  We have a team of neurosurgeons, urology, and infectious disease working on him.
This has been so, so hard on all of us...I forgot my journal today, so I am "writing" here.  On Sunday, as I prayed and thought through all of this, as I watched my kiddos struggle with understanding what we are dealing with, it was like the Lord whispered to me,"Step out of yourself a moment...what have you been praying for your children?". I thought...that their faith would be REAL to them, that they wouldnt just try to rely on us, but on HIM, that they would learn to run to the Rock of Ages.  "Yes, so let Me teach them."
Oh, lessons are hard...I wish He could give our whole family faith to move mountains withOUT pain.  I wish that I didnt have to see Landon cry when we leave him at the OR door....I wish that we could have our family Bible time at HOME led by Daddy...I wish He could wrap up spiritual maturity in a prett box with a colorful bow and just hand it to us.  But, then that would pretty much go against the "take up your cross daily" and the Jesus who suffered horribly so that we could be reconciled to Him. One thing I know, is that He is right beside us in this refining fire...He wont let us be scorched, but the goal of reflecting the character of Christ...that is what we are after.

A Thank You and Quick Update

Thank you all for praying for us!  After much coaxing from an exhausted mom, the doctors sent us home last night.  Everyone seems to be confused, both at home and at the hospital.  His lab work showed a problem, his body showed a big problem, but he seemed to improve yesterday enough that they said going home was a "possibility".  Mike and I really, really wanted that "possibility" to happen, so I assured them that we would bring him back with any sign of changing for the worse or dehydration.

He is on an antibiotic...the good news is that it doesn't appear to be infection in or around his incision or back....that was the major concern.  He was so sad to be in the hospital that as soon as we got in the car to head home, the smiles began to appear again.  We got home after dinner, and Landon hadn't been able to eat much in the hospital, but when we got home, he consumed a HUGE bowl of ramen (one of his favorites :-) and began fighting with CJ...so, we knew that he, indeed, had improved.

Not sure if I am going back to a complete blog "fast", but I know that I learned a few huge lessons (both during my short "blog fast" and during the hospital time)...I can find more time during the day for prayer and the Word...I can "block" my blogging time to just a little time in the evening and still spend more time in the Word and in prayer and reading to the kiddos (just for fun :-), not for school)...I guess it is all in my mind-set and priorities (most of you have probably already learned this...I am a slow learner:-)...many blessings and thanks to all of you who prayed for us, emailed, posted a comment, called, helped, etc...honestly, the Body of Christ is not able to function alone, that is for sure! :-)

Experiment Failed...in need of prayer

Okay, so my "experiment" was going great...praying more, in the Word more...now, we have a situation, and we need prayer.  So, here I am...realizing that the Lord has given us this Blogging thing for a purpose, sometimes.
I had to take Landon to the ER today...long, long story short...he hasn't been feeling well for a few days...fever, vomiting, and pain.  Thought it may be a virus, but when we didn't fall like Dominoes, I knew we were in trouble.  The doctor of neurosurgery has admitted him.  Please, please pray for him and for us...he doesn't want to be back in the hospital - they put us in the exact same room we were in after his de-tether procedure (for real??  what are the chances?)...we are tired, drained, and a little scared.  The Lord has got this, we know that...but this is hard, folks.  Our favorite neurosurgeon, Dr. Blount, will be in to see our little guy in the morning...a plan of action will be decided then.  I will update as soon as possible, but for now, I just wanted to ask for prayer...if any of you are still reading :-)  For Pete's sake, I said I wouldn't be back for a month...who knew?

A Little Experiment

I was reading something the other day, and conviction hit pretty hard.  Rosalind Goforth, a missionary to Ch*na, in the early 1900's said how convicted she was by how much time she wasted reading things other than the Word of God.  Ouch, I thought.  In our society, we have email, cell phones, TV, movies, Facebook, Twitter, blogs, iPads/Pods/Peeds/Puds..."I wonder," I thought, "if we stopped all of this, or as much as possible for a month, and actually delved into the Word...what would happen?"

I homeschool my kiddos because I want to disciple them, teach them, love them, nurture them, encourage them, watch them grow in Him.  I thought to myself, "How much time do they see me wasting in front of my computer?  How often do they see me checking friends' blogs?  How often have they come to me when I am typing up an email, and I get frustrated?"  This was painful, folks.  I love blogging...I love checking out sweet photos of friends' kids...making friends with people across the country in similar situations...but am I neglecting my God-given priorities and duties?  PLEASE, please don't get me wrong...I am not trying to point fingers at anyone but myself here.  I know that there are homeschooling (and non-homeschooling) mamas that can bake their own bread, raise chickens and cows, have a full-fledged garden, disciple their kids, run a business, be an amazing wife, keep a clean house, do all the laundry, bake amazing meals all from scratch...all while doing Facebook, Twitter, blogs, email, texting - probably ALL at the same time.  But that just isn't me.  Plus, I am a little bit concerned that we are becoming a "Facebook Society"...within the church...1,716 "friends" that we know about 1/4 of an inch deep.  Folks, this is aimed at me here...I just felt like I wanted to give you guys an explanation for a lack of posting over the next month (and the lack of comments on my friends' blogs :-)  We will see...I really, really want to see what happens here because my days are SO full right now, and things are falling off my plate (like my intense quiet times before the Throne)...I don't want to neglect my precious quiet times with my Savior.

So, I am going to try something that is going to be pretty hard for me.  I am going to quit checking blogs and posting (I don't have texting or Facebook or Twitter, just in case you were thinking..."Hm, I bet she will just spend that time on Facebook :-)")...just for a month....and focus.  Focus on Him more.  Focus on the Word more.  And focus on them....

Because life is short.  They grow up fast.  And I have to remember that life is about the One I follow...not the blogs I follow or how many follow my blog.  "See" you guys in a month!

Thanks for the suggestions!

Thanks so much for the suggestions, you guys!  As for the African coffee...I actually remember seeing that online somewhere, and I think that I got some for a family member a while ago (that tells you how many brain cells that I am loosing).  We totally tied in the missions/"orphan" theme for the female surgeon and nurse practitioner because we are giving them something from Amazima - I LOVE their ministry...too bad they don't have anything for guys!  I guess we will just have to go with a coffee/baked goodie theme for the guy surgeons....

The Couch O' Healin'

The boys are doing a great job of laying flat...I think the pain is keeping them down a bit, which is a somewhat good thing.  They do fabulous on the couch until someone's toe touches the other person...then it is a screaming match.  It's kindof funny though because they can't move, so it isn't much of a fight. :-)

We see the neurosurgeon this week to see if they can be cleared to get up and move around more.  We wanted to take him a small token of our appreciation for a job well done...I know he gets a salary :-)  But, does anyone have any suggestions?  He is a coffee lover, so we may take him some coffee, but any other suggestions??  I can't think of a thing....

Finally, an "almost" complete update

CJ was miserable on Tuesday...his first day post-op.  This was the HARDEST day for us.  Mike and I would switch - one of us would stay in CJ's room with him, while the other one waited in the surgery waiting area for updates on Landon throughout the day.

Landon was taken back for surgery at 8a.m.  Dr. Blount had told us that the surgery could be between 2 and 6 hours.  Around 10:30a.m., we got a call from the OR saying that Dr. Blount had JUST gotten under the microscope...it had taken them that long to get through the fatty scar tissue.  We got updates about every hour and a half saying he was doing okay...Dr. Blount was still under the microscope.  At about 3:30 that afternoon (at hour 7 and a half), Mike and I had hit our breaking points...we were both sitting in CJ's room with our heads bowed in desperate prayer.  I told him to go and take a walk and get a breath of fresh of air.  As soon as he left, a volunteer from the chaplain services just happened to show up.  He could see my tears and desperation, and just came over to pray with me...I don't even remember what he said, but it was like the Lord was just whispering to me that HE had this.

At 5:50pm, I was sitting in surgery waiting area (I think we were the first there and the last ones to leave :-).  As soon as I saw Dr. Blount and his team walk out, I jumped out of my chair and ran to him. He and the other doctors walked me to the "consult room", and I honestly felt like I couldn't breathe with waiting to hear if the surgery was successful.  He says, "Well, I guess I don't have to tell you that was a VERY complex, involved surgery.  I had another procedure scheduled for this afternoon that I had to cancel....but, we were able to completely untether his cord.  There were many times throughout the day that I didn't think we could do it, but we did.  Had we not been able to untether his cord, he would have eventually lost feeling in his right leg."  I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest.  I said, "Did you say RIGHT leg?  That is his GOOD leg."  Yep.  It was his right leg.  He said so much that I can't even remember.  I spoke with a friend of mine later who used to be a pediatric nurse and she said, "You know, Nikki, you have to wonder what kept him going?  I mean, why didn't he just stop when he thought that they weren't going to be successful?  You know that the Holy Spirit just kept him going."  The Lord truly worked a miracle on Tuesday.  That had to have been one of the HARDEST most beautiful days of my life.  Had it not been so hard, it wouldn't have been so good.  The Lord carried us and proved Himself (once again) more faithful than we could have EVER dreamed.  I truly feel like I felt and saw the glory of God like I have never experienced it in my life.

CJ resting hard

The team who God worked a miracle through

CJ feeling a little bit better :-)

Ahhhh...Wednesday...the day that Daddy went home for a break and a shower...Mimi went to work, and the boys decided to FREAK out on me...so, I decided to break hospital rules and carry CJ into Landon's room.  It seemed to have helped a bit :-)

Emily with Landon after his morphine.  Bless him.  He is REALLY struggling with pain.  His incision is very, very long.  We are not sure if he will be released on Friday or Saturday due to the intensity of his pain.

CJ was released today.  His frustration and fabulous tantrums led the hospital staff to believe that he would do better healing at home...gee, I wonder why? :-)  Let's put it this way...the hospital staff now calls CJ - "wild man"

Delayed update...sorry

Hi All!
This is a little bit late, and it will be short...I am in a hurry :-)
CJ is done..doctors were able to untether his cord with no injuries - a huge praise!
Landon was estimated to take between 4-6 hours...he took about 10.  He is nothing short of a miracle.  The doctor WAS able to untether his cord, but at times throughout the day, he thought he wouldn't be able to do this.  I completely believe that it was the prayers of the saints that kept his hands going...he could have given up.  More later with photos of our precious boys!

CJ's surgery day...

I 

okay, this is going to be one messed up post...sitting by Cj's bed...he is finally asleep.  The surgery went well, praise the Lord!!  No injuries and the doctor did what he set out to do.  Mike stayed with CJ this afternoon while i went home for a bit.  I will be "sleeping" here tonight.  I am trying to post from Mikes iPad and having a doozy of a time.  We are praising the Lord for CJs surgery, but we have a long recovery ahead of us, and Landons surgery is tomorrow morning...the surgeon thinks Landon will be much more complicated.  Please continue to pray.  Our love and gratitude to you all!!

PS - there are stories to go with these photos, but i cant figure this ipad out to save my life.  Ugh.  More later :-)

Pre-op Done!

Yesterday, we had our pre-op appointment.  The plan was...leave the house at 8:20a.m., meet a friend at a gas station along the way and leave 4 of the kiddos with her, head down to Children's South to meet with the neurosurgeon, then head down to Children's downtown for lab-work and a visit with anesthesiology.  I was ready.  

Snacks?  Check.

Diapers? Check.  Check.  Check.

Wipes? Check.

Drink?  Check.

Coloring Books?  Check.

Trains?  Check.

All. In. One. Bag.

We get to Children's South...see Daddy and realize that we needed a diaper change.  Stat.  I search everywhere for THE bag.  WHERE is the bag???  Please don't tell me that in my rush to get to the first hospital, I gave my friend the bag?  Surely I wouldn't have done that.  I called Barbara..."Barbara, I didn't give you the bag with diapers and stuff in it, did I?"  A hesitant reply..."Um, let me check...yep, you gave me that bag.  Do you want me to bring it to you?"  She couldn't do that...they were too far away.  All I could think about was that this was going to be a horrible day for everyone involved...including hospital staff.  Mike ran to a local convenience store and bought one diaper for each boy and a bag of pretzels and one banana...that would have to do.  

Considering the fact that we had such a long day, the boys and Emily did GREAT...they had nothing to entertain them except a bag of pretzels and a banana :-)

Emily was our kiddo helper today...

CJ screamed for his finger prick and arm blood draw...

Landon kept this smile for his finger prick, but absolutely LOST it when they drew blood from his arm.

First surgery is Monday at 7:45a.m....please pray for CJ and the surgeons.  Landon will go on Tuesday at 8a.m.  I will try to post and update as much as I can...hopefully, I won't hand everything off to some stranger.

Yee Haw!!!!

Urodynamics is DONE, baby!  And with some pretty good news to boot!

Bless his heart...now, we just gotta get past pre-op and surgery.

Smiles, Splashpad, and Appointments

 I promise, it is hard to get him to quit smiling

 Landon, Maggie, and Abby with their sweet friends...one of them being a fellow New Day kiddo

All four of the little ones enjoying a little snack...everything's fair game - including anything found on the ground :-/

Tomorrow the little boys have a big, un-fun appointment that needs to be done before their de-tethering surgery.  Please pray for them, if you think of it...it might be one of the few things that does wipe the smile off of Landon's face.

A Visit From Friends

What fun it was for us to have a visit from friends that we have known for years and years and years and...whew, I am getting old just thinking about it :-)  Our oldest boys have been friends since they were about 6 months old...friends like this don't come around every day.

 Really, all it takes is about 15 minutes with my boys and you, too, can become a true "Alabamian" :-)

LOVED watching all these little ones interact!

Is it just me...?

We've been busy lately...lots going on.  I don't know if that is what "triggered" it.  I don't know if a facial expression triggered it...a sound...a noise, but CJ had a melt-down tonight.  Daddy thought it was a tantrum, but it wasn't.  Oh, it wasn't.

When we were at New Day, I was the first one who got to "see" CJ...and when we first met, it wasn't love at first sight for him.  It was terror.  I will never forget his face, his tears, the way he did everything he could to get away from me.  He went to that place tonight...it all began because of a "cool car", but then it happened.  His eyes gave me that look and he did everything he could to get away from me.  This wasn't a tantrum.  This was terror.  It broke my heart.  I removed him from the rest of the family and just sat there with him...together we sat on my bedroom floor, while he screamed and wouldn't look at me.

Where did his mind go?
Was he thinking of his favorite nanny?
Was he missing the place that he had known as home and family?
Did he know where he was?

I just kept whispering, "Look at me, CJ...just look at me.  I love you."
I held his stiff little body and asked if I could sing to him, and he finally gave me something.  A nod.
I sang "Jesus Loves Me", and then...as quickly as it began, it was over.  His stiff little body became welcoming again, and he clung to my neck.

He seemed to forget that it even happened, but for me...for me, there aren't really words to describe the turmoil that it makes me feel inside.  Partially because I hurt for my son.  Partially because I hurt for my other 2 who have to deal with similar feelings.  Partially because it is WAY more than any 2 year old should have to deal with...

But mostly because there are 140 MILLION other children that don't have mamas or daddies to hold them and sing "Jesus Loves Me" to them until they can wake up from their nightmare.

The real reason we have 7 kids...

 They can do AMAZING things with Murphy's Oil.

Just kidding.  

Seriously.

If you think that you are going to report me to DHR for enslaving my children...they will just show up at my house and laugh.  My house is very rarely clean from top to bottom.  But, hey, we have company coming in town a few times over the next month.  And, while they don't want us to worry about cleaning, I would feel really bad if they stepped in the sticky chocolate milk that was spilled two weeks ago yesterday, or if they stuck their hand in the honey that had been smeared on the wall. 

 Now, if we could just teach him that Murphy's Oil is NOT for the windows.

 If I knew that cleaning made him this happy, we would have started this on April 29th.

 Add a little Travis Cottrell praise music and a broom becomes a guitar...

 and a washrag becomes a microphone.

 She prefers just to prance around and make it look like she is working hard.

 Now, this one can do some DEEP cleaning....and she loves it.  It is a phenomenon that I don't pretend to understand.

 He is another phenomenon that I don't pretend to understand.

They work diligently with the promise that they can take my kitchen chairs into the den and form the chairs into a 747...pretending that they are flying to the place our hearts long to be - Ch*na...all while having snacks, watching Cars, and staying off of Mom's wet floors.  It's not a perfect system, but it gets us about as clean as we're gonna be.
Oh, and a little bit of advice...do NOT try to vacuum very dusty curtains with your new Dyson vacuum cleaner.  The suction power of a Dyson is unbelievable.